Today reminded me of the children's book that Jessica told me about years ago...Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It just seemed like nothing went well for Sandy.
Her day started out at about 5:45 this morning when she asked me to check her pH, so she could take a breathing treatment. Only a few minutes into her day and she was already having a terrible time breathing. After the breathing treatment she asked to start taking her meds and supplements so she could "get it out of the way." Within about 30 minutes all of it came back up. We finally got her comfortable and managed to get a Phenergan down her to quell the nausea. By this time I had to leave for work, so I left her in Ryan's very capable hands for the morning. (Her pH this morning was 6.0, by the way.)
When I came home for lunch I found Sandy crying and at an all-time emotional low. She told me that she felt like "this is the end." She was so short of breath that she was panting through her sentences, even though Ryan had given her a breathing treatment less than an hour earlier. She was in pain, even after having pain meds earlier. She had only had one of her juices for the morning because she was so nauseated. She said that she'd just like to check into the hospital and let them "pump me full of medicine" so she won't feel anything. I know I've said it before, but I cannot imagine what she must be feeling. I told her not to give up, because no one was giving up on her. We talked and I rubbed her back, which always helps the pain, and by the time I had to go back to work she was in a little better spirits.
I called Gina and explained Sandy's state of mind and she called Hospice to have the nurse come over to see what more they might be able to do. Gina drove from her job in Odessa to meet the nurse here at the house. They decided to put Sandy on Methadone, which hopefully will help on two fronts: the cough and the pain. I just know if she could get the cough under control it would definitely lift her spirits. She just took her first Methadone, so hopefully we'll see some improvement soon.
Sandy loves this quote by Lance Armstrong: "If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." Please, please pray for emotional strength for Sandy...whether it's some small improvement that will buoy her spirits or just the determination to never give in.
I believe there are better days yet to come!!